biblos.com & Soul Food Bible

Beck here.

I accepted the truth of Jesus in April of 2001...so, for 10 years now I have been getting to know God. Wow,10 years. Crazy. Over those years I have had some amazing times of growth and intimacy with God, but I have spent a large portion of that time (too large of a portion of that time) distracted. I think those years in school I kept telling myself that when I was done with school and didn't have so much homework and so many after school commitments I surely would have the time and desire to really pursue God and dig into scripture and figure it all out. Welp, that was really silly of me to think such a thing. I guess I never realized the pattern--> Elementary school is more time consuming than pre school and with it comes more responsibility and commitment. Middle school is more time consuming than elementary school and with it come more responsibility and commitment. High school is more time consuming than middle school and with it comes more responsibility and commitment. College is more time consuming than high school and with it come more responsibility and commitment. Not sure why I thought it would, but the pattern doesn’t stop there. Now, after college, I have only found life to be more time consuming than before and with it has come even more responsibility and commitment.

All that to say that in my 10 years following Jesus I have spent way too little time really focusing on HIS words...meaning the red letters...the words of Jesus himself. I have read Proverbs more times that I can count...Practically memorized Romans, James and Ephesians...The Corinthians, I know well....but the words of Jesus (and Revelations...eek) I have neglected. I know...it sounds rather messed up if you ask me. I call myself a follower of Jesus and yet I don’t obsess over his words...or just focus on the ones that make the most sense to me. My thinking...if I can memorized a great deal of the words to the 4,399 songs in my itunes, why in the world have I not memorized the words of the one who I claim to have the most importance in my life. Errr. It hurts a lot more to write it out like this than to just think about then put it off for a few more months.

So, feeling rather silly for ignoring and putting off an obsession with the words of Jesus for way too long, I picked up my Bible four days ago and started reading. Matthew. I made it about half way through Matthew 5 before I remembered why it was so easy for me to neglect the words of Jesus. Why? Jesus is a confusing fellow to read.

Now, for a few years I have used two websites pretty exclusively to help me in studying scripture. Both great resources, however, I have found them lacking in my new found exploration of the words of Jesus. What I really want is some biblical scholar to sit across the table from me and explain the meaning of words and the relevance of what Jesus is preaching about and then make sense of verses like, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth,” or “But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven...” I read verses like those and think...what does it mean to be meek in this context? What does it mean to inherit the earth? What do you mean I can store treasure up for myself in heaven...won’t we all be pretty angels playing harps for all eternity in heaven...why would I want to store up treasure in heaven...will that even matter as long as I am in heaven? As I was reading I found myself having more questions than there were verses to read. So, google is my best friend. I started searching and found www.biblo.com!! What an amazing resource!! I have been glued to my Bible and computer for two days now. What an amazing feeling to have a hunger for the word that is being feed. I listened to a sermon by one of my favorite speakers, Mark Moore, on this topic just today. He said many great things in this particular sermon...check it out here: SoulFoodBible, but the thing that stuck out to me the most is this...”that the bible is the only spiritual discipline that is compared to food in the bible its self. The bible is literally our diet and if we don’t eat it we will literally starve.” I hear this and I think its no wonder there have been too many season in my life when I feel completely depleted and, as much as I tried, nothing could fill me up except sitting down with the bible. Why does it always take so long for me to figure this out.

My prayer is that I would never lose this feeling. I desire deeply for the WORD OF GOD to be my diet...may I also challenge you to find a craving for it. It is the only thing that revives the soul, is truly trustworthy, brings pure joy, brings light and will stand when nothing else remains (Psalms 19.7-11).

@ Whole Foods

I so miss sitting still and spending time journaling, talking with God, writing music, and being alone. Who would have ever guessed that an extrovert such as myself would long for solitude. My college years and the year following it allowed me to have a lot of time to myself...studying, writing, working at the cafe, reading. I loved those times then, but never realized that as we get older and life gets more and more full with things like husbands, babies and "jobs" (quick side note: I say job with bunny ears because it sure doesn't feel like a job! I get to hang out with some of the most amazing ladies I know and have loads of fun and talk about Jesus...so not a job) those alone times become something that we have to work for...they are no longer built in nor easy to come by.

So, here I am, at Whole Foods feeling blessed that my dinner meeting is running late and I am left sitting here...alone. Is it not when we are alone that we truly have the space to face God? Is it not when we are alone that we truly get to face the truth of ourselves?

Now, I don't want to be misunderstood here. I would never ever trade my life today for anything. I have an amazing and challenging marriage, an amazing and challenging child, and an amazing and challenging "job"...perfect. What I am saying here is more a reflection on something my Mama Holland has been talking a lot about these days. As we get older and the responsibilities pile on (marriage, children, jobs, friends, bills, loan payments, insurace, and the list goes on...) somewhere along the way, at some unknow time we start losing ourselves in all the things we become a part of and all the things we spending time doing. I feel rather thankful to have a Mama who can make me aware of such a thing so that 10 years from now I don't look back and wonder where I lost myself. My mom has made me aware that one of the best ways I can take care of others is by taking care of myself and my relationship with God.

So, awareness is only a small part of the equation, right. What's my next step? Such a good question. I used to be the sort that would make five year plans and check lists. These days I follow my husband's advice and focus only on my NEXT STEP. My next step? Guylan wakes up earliest 7:30...so I will be up at 6:45am. I am also going to take Thursday evenings and treat them as a Sabbath. Solitude here I come.

Hope you find time for solitude in your life.

Becky